Pope Francis recently said that choosing not to have children is selfish. That headline, of course, undoubtedly oversimplifies his statements and views, but the problem is that some people automatically view childlessness as a choice. That assumption reminds me of the time I received an email from an acquaintance. This person knew me slightly from church and obviously knew that I was middle-aged, married, and childless. So he sent me this email about how it's a mortal sin to get a tubal ligation or take other contraceptive measures.
Since I am fairly knowledgeable about the basics of Catholic teachings on family matters, I also know that it's considered sinful to undergo certain fertility-promoting procedures. I am also aware that it is considered sinful to have sex outside of marriage. It is because I have chosen to follow Church teachings that I am childless.
Allow me to explain.
When I was young, my mother said that I would go to hell if I married outside the Church. Being an obedient type, I carefully avoided getting involved with someone who was not Catholic, even though I wanted to. Because I was trying to be true to Church teachings, I found myself out of college and so single that I had never had a boyfriend. I finally did meet someone whom I would never have gone out with a second time--until it was casually revealed that he was Catholic. He became my first and last boyfriend. The thing is, he couldn't commit to permanency and kept breaking up with me. Finally, after some years, we agreed to work toward marriage, but our secret engagement lasted only a couple of weeks because, when I casually mentioned something about children, he said he didn't want any and so didn't want me "popping one out" every year. So I broke up with him that time and entered my thirties alone.
Years passed, and the only men expressing any interest in me were older and divorced or just this side of pathetic. A woman asked me out. A boss said she assumed I was not interested in men because she never saw me with any. I was getting close to forty.
Then, my old boyfriend found me via the Internet, and we rekindled our relationship, albeit long distance. He proposed in the most low-key way possible and assured me that he would be okay with having children now. He was past forty, and I was nearly there. We married, in the Church.
But it was too late to have children. He had problems. I had problems, so severe, in fact, that I was initially not expected to live very long. It's "rather difficult" to face mental illness, medical crisis, marital problems, and both career and family loss (due to geographic relocation) in a very short period. It seemed impossible to survive even one day at a time. And, I should note that in our state couples over forty cannot adopt babies, and my medical situation plus my husband's "personality" (not to mention our substandard housing conditions) made adopting an older child out of the question. In our situation, infertility turned out to be God's blessing. But the holidays, a cooing infant, and Mother's Day still make me weep.
Since I am fairly knowledgeable about the basics of Catholic teachings on family matters, I also know that it's considered sinful to undergo certain fertility-promoting procedures. I am also aware that it is considered sinful to have sex outside of marriage. It is because I have chosen to follow Church teachings that I am childless.
Allow me to explain.
When I was young, my mother said that I would go to hell if I married outside the Church. Being an obedient type, I carefully avoided getting involved with someone who was not Catholic, even though I wanted to. Because I was trying to be true to Church teachings, I found myself out of college and so single that I had never had a boyfriend. I finally did meet someone whom I would never have gone out with a second time--until it was casually revealed that he was Catholic. He became my first and last boyfriend. The thing is, he couldn't commit to permanency and kept breaking up with me. Finally, after some years, we agreed to work toward marriage, but our secret engagement lasted only a couple of weeks because, when I casually mentioned something about children, he said he didn't want any and so didn't want me "popping one out" every year. So I broke up with him that time and entered my thirties alone.
Years passed, and the only men expressing any interest in me were older and divorced or just this side of pathetic. A woman asked me out. A boss said she assumed I was not interested in men because she never saw me with any. I was getting close to forty.
Then, my old boyfriend found me via the Internet, and we rekindled our relationship, albeit long distance. He proposed in the most low-key way possible and assured me that he would be okay with having children now. He was past forty, and I was nearly there. We married, in the Church.
But it was too late to have children. He had problems. I had problems, so severe, in fact, that I was initially not expected to live very long. It's "rather difficult" to face mental illness, medical crisis, marital problems, and both career and family loss (due to geographic relocation) in a very short period. It seemed impossible to survive even one day at a time. And, I should note that in our state couples over forty cannot adopt babies, and my medical situation plus my husband's "personality" (not to mention our substandard housing conditions) made adopting an older child out of the question. In our situation, infertility turned out to be God's blessing. But the holidays, a cooing infant, and Mother's Day still make me weep.